lumps

What is the matter, what can it be
To be so unhappy, to be unhappy
Maybe you got the rabies and maybe you got the flu
But you can't try to fix it, 'cause you don't know what to do

Anxiety, and it's really gonna kill you
Anxiety, killing you like very slow poison

- The Electric Eels

There are times, like now, when my anxiety spikes and I feel like I'm not in control. And yet, at the same time, I also feel like a disembodied, neutral observer. I'm aware of the spike, and even though my insides are feeling off, it's as if I'm outside of the situation, like an objective scientist, measuring it. Wondering what it's all about and when it will pass. It's very strange, but in a way it's also comforting. I like to think that I'm not my anxiety. We may be two entities wrestling inside the same body, but I am separate and distinct. I'm stuck here in the ring, the uneasiness is here with me and I can feel it attacking, but this doesn't necessarily define who I am.

Tonight, however, I am feeling pinned.